Navigating the Holidays
For so many people recovering from spiritual abuse, the holidays can be fraught in countless ways:
Painful memories—of people and events, bleak with the pall of coercion, despite outer trappings that look “festive.”
Memorized verses pop up unbidden.
Echoes of toxic narratives dictated by once-revered leaders.
The ominous void of not knowing what or how to celebrate.
Overwhelm from navigating relationships with loved ones still in the cultic grip.
The complexity of some elements that are truly nourishing, joyous experiences intertwined with loss, confusion, and alienation.
What do you have to add to this list?
I’m a survivor whose cultic involvement did not meddle overtly with the holidays. There’s a sappy part of me that has always loved Christmas and truly enjoys the trappings of lights, wrappings, and tantalizing foods. I am a Christmas homebody. The humble farm family Christmas celebrations I experienced as a kid still fit my style as an adult today: gathering round a tree at home, on Christmas morning, making Struffoli inspired by my Italian grandmother, singing and listening to carols both religious and secular. This year, however, I’m heading into a Christmas week like no other.
On Christmas Eve, we will drive to Albany and spend the night in a sterile hotel close to the airport. Predawn on Christmas morning, we will kiss our daughter and grandkid goodbye for the week, when they catch a plane for El Paso. My husband and I will then visit my mom before checking into an Airbnb in Poughkeepsie, NY. We’ll be there for the week, visiting family and hopefully finding ways to enjoy ourselves away from home, sweet home.
What’s your holiday story and conundrums? How will you prepare yourself? And perhaps even more importantly, what plan do you have for the other side of the holidays?
What seed can you plant today that will sprout when you need it the most? In the aftermath. What gentle action can you initiate for yourself? Aftercare involves being attentive to our well-being in the aftermath of potentially triggering situations. This might include reaching out to trusted friends, engaging in therapeutic practices, or seeking professional support if needed. The holiday season can often be fraught with memories, triggers, and emotions that may resurface unexpectedly. It’s important to recognize and honor those feelings, allowing ourselves the space to process them without judgment. It’s crucial to set boundaries that prioritize your mental health. Give yourself permission to decline invitations or step away if you feel overwhelmed. Your well-being is paramount, and true friends will understand and respect your need for self-care.
We all have our own ways of coping… but can we prioritize activities that bring comfort and peace? Whether it's spending time with supportive friends, engaging in creative outlets, or simply taking a moment for solitude, I hope you feel empowered to carve out time for self-care as you navigate the season.
Gerette Buglion, author of An Everyday Cult and Writing to Reckon Journal—for survivors of spiritual, religious, and cultic abuse—has been facilitating writing classes and helping people find their voice since 2021. She is co-founder and Executive Director for IGotOut and is passionate about the integrative power writing brings to survivors of cultic relationships.