A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts - Part 5: What Comes After

Written By Heather Culli

This five-part series is inspired by the book "A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts" by Tears of Eden founder Katherine Spearing, launching on October 14th, 2025. The book explores the hidden wounds of spiritual abuse in the evangelical church and offers pathways toward healing, wholeness, and freedom. Each post connects a core idea from Katherine’s book to the lives of those living with, healing from, or supporting a loved one affected by spiritual abuse, along with relevant resources and vocabulary.

From the Book

“I believe the reason why so many of us survivors write, why we tell our stories in books, online, and on podcasts, is because of the narratives around our departure. We were damned no matter what choice we made. 

If we stayed, we were oppressed to the point of mental and physical illness—sometimes death. If we left, we were erased, and our story was told on our behalf by the ones who abused and neglected us, portraying us as the rebellious renegades who gave up their values and their faith out of selfish desires. 

So, we tell our stories to reclaim the narrative. If for no one else, we tell it for ourselves, to remind us every day how much we lost and how much we suffered. 

We tell our stories to celebrate the freedom we won at the cost of our literal blood, sweat, and tears.”

Personal Reflection

Aftermath. It’s a word that conjures up scenes of devastation; smoke rising from ashes, survivors stumbling over ruins of their former lives, and rescue crews rushing to offer aid. For many of us, the aftermath of religious abuse left behind a similar swath of destruction, though far too often, no one was coming to save us. And the devastation caused by spiritual abuse is often hidden, compounding the pain. Many victims don’t carry physical scars. Damage occurs within the heart, mind, and soul. 

Author and trauma therapist Shannon Thomas states, “Psychological (spiritual) abuse leaves no bruises. There are no broken bones. There are no holes in the walls. The bruises, brokenness, and holes are held tightly within the target of the abuse.” Too often, victims’ pain is dismissed or minimized by those who perpetrated and enabled the abuse. But please hear this. The damage is real. Your suffering is real. And you deserve to heal. You don’t have to live amongst the ashes. 

But how is healing possible when the world ignores and dismisses victims’ distress? As Katherine Spearing says in the book, “We tell our stories to reclaim the narrative.” Our stories validate the reality of the abuse we’ve suffered. Expressing our truth slowly begins to set us free. Whether through journaling, somatic movement, therapy, or various forms of art, our story unwinds from the places and spaces within us that have held tight to our pain, and we begin to heal.

Katherine’s life is a study in reclaiming the narrative. She winds together the messes and triumphs of her journey from survivor to thriver. She doesn’t send her readers off with merely a sentence or two of hope. She arms them with abundant examples of personal resilience that uplift and inspire.  

This popular quote (source unknown) speaks volumes about this journey.

“The point of healing is not to be able to handle more trauma. You’re used to trauma. You are healing to be able to handle joy.”

I’m a survivor who has walked through the ashes of my former life and stumbled and fumbled my way along the journey of deconstruction. Three years in, I am happy to report my capacity for joy is much greater than I ever thought possible. Are there still days when I want to scream into the void? Yes. Do bitterness and resentment sometimes take up more space than I’d like in my soul and spirit? Yes. Has healing given me the capacity to hold equal or greater space for joy? Yes.

There is help. There is hope. You have the pen now. Reclaim your narrative and reclaim your joy.

Resource Section

Key Vocabulary

  • Spiritual bypassing: Using God or scripture to avoid pain or grief, either our own or the pain of another. Can become abusive if someone is shamed for their expression of pain or grief.

  • Toxic positivity: Positivity at all costs, even in the face of grief, trauma, and abuse. Always finding the silver lining to the point of dishonesty about difficult circumstances.

Heather Culli

Heather Culli is on the Editorial Board and focuses on a little bit of everything Instagram @some2ndthoughts

Next

A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts - Part 4: Grieving the Relationships We Didn’t Want to Lose