A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts - Part 3: Sex and Our Bodies

Written By Halley Watson Kim

This five-part series is inspired by the book "A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts" by Tears of Eden founder Katherine Spearing, launching on October 14th, 2025. The book explores the hidden wounds of spiritual abuse in the evangelical church and offers pathways toward healing, wholeness, and freedom. Each post connects a core idea from Katherine’s book to the lives of those living with, healing from, or supporting a loved one affected by spiritual abuse, along with relevant resources and vocabulary.

From the Book

When high-control religion told us to rein our bodies in and make them submit to Christ, we can free our bodies by listening to them. Our bodies are a part of our humanity—they are us. To care for my body is to care for me. To trust my body is to trust myself. To give my body a voice is to acknowledge that what I have to say is important.

I don’t believe we can experience the full spectrum of joy until we are fully in our bodies and attuned to our true selves. I don’t believe we can be fully attuned to our true selves until we acknowledge and accept our desires—even, and especially, the ones culture tells us we’re not allowed to have. And this is why high-control spaces want to control our bodies. If they control our bodies, they control us. We find our freedom when we reclaim our bodies and give those bodies pleasure and every good thing they deserve—just for being human.

Personal Reflection

As a teenager, I got butterflies in my stomach when my boyfriend smiled at me. I got all tingly when we kissed, and my body longed to fully entangle with him. But then evangelical purity culture came along, convincing me that the spirit was more important than the flesh, that sex was bad, and that I should “guard my heart” and “save myself for my husband.” By the time I got married at 25, purity culture had rewired my nervous system, and I couldnʼt just pull a 180 on my wedding night. 

To the contrary, marital intimacy was a nightmare for years. I had shamed my body into silence, severed all connections with her. I'd forced her to forget how to play, how to want. I didnʼt even live in my body. Consequently, I didnʼt like sex. I didnʼt trust it. I cried so many tears during those years. Forget having joy, I had pain. My husband and I were repeatedly disheartened and defeated. 

But thanks to therapy, conversation, medical help, faith deconstruction, spicy novels, emotional breakdowns, and vibrators, I've made up with my body. After nearly fourteen years of marriage, Iʼm realizing that not only can I enjoy my sexuality, but I can explore new frontiers. The fantasies that I had as a teenager were not evidence of my depravity, but my body knowing exactly what excited her. It was never holy to reject my own understanding. Sorry Proverbs, but holiness is found by embracing our own understandings, attuning to ourselves, and experiencing pleasure. After years of feeling broken, what a delight it was to discover that shame had no place in my body or intimate relationships.

Resource Section

Key Vocabulary

  • Purity Culture: Religiously sanctioned regulation of sex, sexuality, and bodies. Common examples include shaming women for wearing clothing the culture deems immodest, shaming individuals for thoughts the culture deems impure, and punishing individuals for engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage between one man and one woman.

  • Somatic Healing: A therapeutic modality of working with the body to access the trauma our cognitive minds can’t reach. A foundation of this modality is the belief that our bodies are good and that the sensations in our bodies provide valuable information for healing.

Halley Watson Kim
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A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts - Part 2: Loving Yourself When You Were Taught to Hate Yourself